Preaching is not same as help in these situations. Even if you’re preaching good.
It doesn’t work this way.
They keep defining our lives for us. Every time we start to feel a little different, see a little different than the life they are living, they don’t miss a breath to say to us “Its not this way, you’re not okay right now, you need to change.”
We can try to explain to them. We can make them see that just because you aren’t feeling and thinking what I’m feeling, it doesn’t make any of it less real for me.
Your constant supposedly-helping advice, your way of evaluating my wrongs and principles, your telling me the actual* way it’s done, your telling me that what I’m thinking is wrong -even though it is- this only makes it harder for me.
What makes it easier for me?
Sit with me and ask me what I* am thinking.
And for God’s sake, do not burden me with your correct* thoughts at that moment, and do not use what I indulge in you at that moment, and take it and turn it into your advice-speech for later as well. Because the problem isn’t that I can’t think what’s right for myself. The problem is that I can’t stop thinking the wrong, the inability to forgive myself once in a while, to not blame every small mistake of myself and others, all on me. And if at that moment, you kept explaining to me what I’m feeling is wrong, then it’s another item I’ll enter in my “The Things Wrong With Me” list. And obsess about it till there’s nothing left of me.
So sit with me and ask me questions. Life has been ugly. Take me back to the start. As the time passes, I’ll find my own way. Until then, listen to me.
Sadly, this never happens. Even the best of them will come to you with their* right words. So what do we do?
We appreciate the little amount of time they spare for us. We thank them for their* right words. We nod along to all their* thoughts. We say everything that is necessary for them to feel that they are right in their words and their actions. They would come up to us, and we’ll make them feel good about themselves and they’ll leave.
That is what help has become actually. Instead of seeing what the other person needs of you right now, you visit them with all your* wordly wisdom. And your wisdom is not worth a penny if that’s what you have gained from your life, that you cannot make this person around you feel better, that instead of providing that person some space, you use the only space they’ve left for your own self. Never asking about them*. That is what we’ve proudly become.
What we can do now is start being strong, not for ourselves, but the ones who go through the same hell as us but are stuck bad. Get out of that bed because there is someone else out there with the same feelings as you and needs to be pulled out of bed too.
Be the catalyst to that chain reaction.
The better* ones will never know.
And we won’t give up. So we have to reach the ones like us before they reach them.
Find the garden that’s bursting into life.
And take me there with you.